


Rage

by Davechicken



Series: Kylux - Fluff & Angst [70]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Healing, Historical abuse, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-17
Updated: 2016-11-17
Packaged: 2018-08-31 13:50:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8580964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Davechicken/pseuds/Davechicken
Summary: They're both sorry.





	

“It matters, okay?”

“I don’t see why.”

Hux is trying to be nice, but there’s days when he’s sure Kylo actively doesn’t want it. He’d initially taken the crass moods as evidence that Kylo had no social graces whatsoever, but… 

The more he got to know him, the more he realised it was cyclical. There were times Kylo could behave perfectly cordially, could act with tact and grace. Then he’d get spooked and act like the most obstructive, negative, impossible shit ever. Shoving back even when it made no sense to do it. It was self-destructive, more than an act of malice. 

Hux thinks maybe Kylo isn’t even aware of what he’s doing, not really. When they get closer, Kylo kicks him away. If Hux lets him, it turns into a fight. If Hux denies his own need to escalate, and stands his ground without heightening tensions further, Kylo will eventually stop spoiling for trouble. 

(And, on rare occasions, he’ll even apologise openly. If awkwardly. Those apologies heal something in Hux, make him feel… more Human, too. More ‘normal’.)

“It matters because I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

“So?”

“Kylo… I mean it. Please tell me, because I don’t want to upset you. If I can act differently, and you feel better, then I will.”

Kylo won’t meet his eyes, his body shifting sideways. 

“Please. Would you want to hurt me accidentally?” Hux pushes. 

A shrug. He’s feeling contrary as hell, which is frustrating. This mood is Hux’s fault, and he has to take the responsibility for causing it. Which means making his own petty side shut up. 

“It’s stupid,” Kylo snaps. 

“It’s not stupid, it hurt you. Even if it’s a silly reason, you feel hurt. And I don’t want you to feel upset, Kylo. I want you to feel good.”

“It was just a joke!” 

“And it upset you so much you’re yelling at me. Why is it so impossible to think your feelings matter? You keep telling me how the Dark is all about that, don’t you?”

Kylo looks like he might hurl, suddenly. “I. Don’t. Want. To. Talk. About. It.”

Hux swallows. “Okay. Do… you want space?”

“I want to know why you’re not angry with me for being childish!”

“Because I caused it, and because you have a reason to feel how you do. I’m not angry. I’m worried about you, I care very deeply about you. Kylo… I love you.”

“Why? Why aren’t you angry?”

“Do you want me to be?”

“It would be easier.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m angry with me. Because it’s what always happens when I get upset. That’s just how things are, Hux.” He sounds exasperated, confused, and Hux hurts to know. 

“I’m not going to say I’ll never feel irritated, or annoyed. That’s just not possible, but I can promise I’ll try not to be. If you’re not happy, there’s a reason. If we can work out why, so it doesn’t happen again… and make you feel better? I’ll try to understand, to help.”

Kylo crumples, on the verge of trembling with the build up of emotions he’s never worked out how to handle. 

Cautiously, Hux steps in. He rubs Kylo’s arms, and tugs lightly with his fingers in clothing…. Until Kylo leaps into his embrace and hugs him Wookie-tight. 

“I’m sorry,” Kylo whisperers. 

Apologising for feeling hurt, and for feeling angry, and for being prickly. The fact he even feels the urge to apologise for being the injured party makes the bottom of Hux’s world fall out in quiet rage and protective grief. 

Hux holds him tightly, and kisses his ear. “You have nothing to apologise for, but I’d still forgive you. This is how we change things. This is how I help you.” Broken as Hux is, even he can see Kylo’s scars. 

The Knight sobs into his shoulder, and Hux wonders when Kylo let himself feel rage or disappointment without guilt, and his hands stroke out the flecks of pain. 

“It’s okay. I’m not angry. I’m not angry. I love you, and I will remind you whenever you need it. You can be annoyed with me and I won’t suddenly…” Shit. A flash of understanding. “Kylo, you can be annoyed with me and I’m not going to leave you, you know? I’m in this for all of it. I’m in this for you. I’m not going anywhere, I’m in this for _you_.”

His lover cries harder, and Hux won’t let go until he’s sure the man understands. 

Fuck, but he wants to destroy everyone who made this beautiful man afraid of his own anger, his own disappointment. He wants to flay the flesh from their bones. 

Hux kisses at his ear, and whispers that he loves him, over and over. That he’s staying. That it will work out, that nothing is broken. That they can do this, and get through this. 

Kylo slumps, and Hux pulls him to the couch. 

“I’m sorry,” he says again. 

“Me too,” Hux adds, and curls everything he has around him. “But I’m not going to leave, I’m not going to give up on you. I’m going to love you, whether you think I should or not.”

Hux feels the shudder. There’s not much you can really say that covers how he feels, but he’ll try. “You won’t push me away.”

No matter his mood. Moods aren’t forever, but love is.


End file.
